August 25 brings the 25th chapter of Proverbs. Two passages stand out, having related messages:
With patience a ruler may be persuaded,
and a soft tongue can break bones. (Prov 25:15, NRSV)
If your enemies are hungry, give them bread to eat;
and if they are thirsty, give them water to drink;
for you will heap coals of fire on their heads,
and the Lord will reward you. (Prov 25:21-22, NRSV)
I noticed at a very early age the power of a “soft tongue.” My parents had two very different styles of discipline. My mom criticized and punished my siblings and me with great regularity, while I can count on the fingers of one hand the times my dad disciplined me. In her defense, Mom was a Coast Guard wife, running the household on her own for months at a time whenever Dad was on a mission at sea. The stress she lived under, especially in the earlier years of their marriage, must have been enormous.
Still, of the two, my father’s discipline always carried much more weight. He was (and still is) a very soft-spoken man, slow to anger and full of love—despite the regularity with which his children, his grandchildren, and now his great-grandchildren screw up … myself included!
Nothing we did was ever good enough for Mom; yet our very existence was a gift of joy to Dad. Lest you misunderstand me, I love my mom with all my heart and I miss her terribly (she died nearly eight years ago). I have nothing but compassion for her, for I recognize that how she was raised as a girl was simply carried forward to her own children.
Enough rambling. Back to the texts at hand. Have you noticed that it is often the soft-spoken people in a room who command the greatest attention? Most people go around tooting their own horns, yammering away under the assumption that the people they’re talking to (talking at, really) are listening. Sadly, most of us aren’t listening; we’re contemplating what we’re going to say when the person gabbing away at us comes up for air.
But when a soft voice begins to cut through the clamor, a hush soon falls over the room. Clearly, this person has waited to speak, so let’s listen up!
And don’t spend a lot of energy plotting your revenge on people who have wronged you. As the second passage suggests, kindness will go a lot further in “heaping coals of fire on their heads” than animosity. In an ideal world, they will experience true remorse and want to make things right with you, otherwise “karma” will take care of things with “What goes around comes around.”
Either way, justice is served—and we’re not responsible for meting it out.
Practice speaking softly, listening actively, and suffering wrongs with grace and kindness. Then share your thoughts below.
