There are two verses in today’s 27th chapter of Proverbs that have to do with avoiding the pitfalls associated with being praised:
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth—
a stranger, and not your own lips. (Prov 27:2, NRSV)
The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold,
so a person is tested by being praised. (Prov 27:21, NRSV)
Before I address the obvious messages in these two verses, allow me to address the opposite extreme. Don’t you just hate when you give someone a compliment and he or she responds by denying it? Or am I the only one who finds this offensive?
There is a school of thought that professes that the way to avoid the dangers of getting puffed up—getting full of oneself—when someone pays you a compliment is to resist the compliment by affirming the opposite. I hate to break it to you, but the proper response to, “You look especially lovely today,” is not “Oh, no, I don’t. I look a fright!” The proper response is simply:
“Why, thank you!”
You could add, “You’re too kind,” but I prefer hearing, “Aren’t you sweet for saying so!” Negating one’s praise is false humility, which is perhaps even worse than arrogance.
Now on to the verses from Proverbs. Tooting one’s own horn (verse 2) is certainly to be avoided. Or is it? In my own recent job search, and now as I sell myself to prospective Web clients, I have to emphasize what my strengths and skills are, and how my clients can benefit from them. But this can be done without arrogance, and that is the point. It’s a fine line, though, and I am still learning the intricacies of this lesson. Perhaps you are, too.
Yes, one can get puffed up by praise, and this should be avoided. The easiest way to avoid this is to experience the common humanity of all of us. In my own case, I know very few people who know the database programming language SQL better than I do. I have lived and breathed SQL for 23 years. If someone praises my expertise, I graciously accept the praise.
But that doesn’t make me any better than anyone else. We all have our gifts, our areas of expertise, our specialties. Perhaps the purpose of life is to discover those gifts and then to give them.
Praise can indeed be a crucible (verse 21), and many people fail the test. My experience is that we fail the test as often by undervaluing our worth as by overvaluing it.
Recognize your strengths and your gifts.
And then recognize the strengths and gifts in everyone around you.
